Sunday, December 6, 2009

A New Slogan for Nelson

Despite the ominous creaking sounds from Nelson city’s overburdened and out dated infra structure, at a time when town water supplies are under constant threat and sewage is threatening to burst free from a straining and inadequate system, its all too predictable that the peripheral business of “branding” has risen high on the local agenda and is the one exercising the finest minds of the city’s brains trust. Our brilliant city fathers or someone purporting to be like them – a committee of the council dolts who squander our rates with idiot insouciance has decided we need to upgrade the present underwhelming city slogan “Nelson – Live the Day”. You can’t help but agree that this meaningless drivel should never have been permitted to see the light of day.

Saatchi’s stolen branding for Wellington, “Absolutely Positively Wellington” arguably did that city no harm and, given its “free from the ether”provenance, must have done well for generously recompensed Saatchi’s too. With all the creative talent supposedly centred in Nelson and budgets strained to breaking point and beyond you would hope that our brains trust might resist the idea of farming out the slogan job to expensively hired outside talent. However the involvement of pricey consultants might be an idea too hard to resist for the profligate Hands Up gang. Before they blow more of our hard earned shouldn’t we, the beggared victims of Hands Up, offer our own fragrant thoughts and suggestions.

Let’s see, what has Nelson got going for it? Supposedly, we are a centre for the arts – oceans of crap and mere spoonfuls of quality art are produced here, although in insufficient quantity to maintain any sort of effective arts marketing presence. We receive a lot of sunshine. We are a tourist destination, a small ugly town in the midst of beauty. We are comically badly run. We have reasonable schools and some faltering industry. We are a significant fishing port. Wine is produced locally. We are so laid back as to be almost comatose, hence of course “Live the day”, a slogan too stupidly diffuse to mean a thing. According to some notions of geography we are close to the centre of New Zealand.

I propose these for consideration

Distinctly Average at the Centre of New Zealand
The Sunstruck Navel of New Zealand
The Sun Shines out our Arsehole

Now of course it’s early days yet and a lot more consideration may have to be given to these, and others as you might submit. More consideration perhaps than the city fathers showed when they elected to build two unspeakably inept, architecturally nil, sheds on the fringes of Trafalgar Park, sited to be amongst the very first things our visitors will see as they enter the city. Implied but not stated is, Nelson – who gives a fuck.

2 comments:

  1. wait a bit sonny . one thing at a time granny - that's me - says hey hey lets have a competition to make a slogan for nelson - who knows which idiot phrase will be chosen, but lets get the idiots - that's us - involved. Nelson - my favorite place.
    Nature, culture, Nelson.

    Now i know you say " Supposedly, we are a centre for the arts – oceans of crap and mere spoonfuls of quality art are produced here, although in insufficient quantity to maintain any sort of effective arts marketing presence" ..
    SHAME ON YOU.
    who do you think you are? you are an artist. you are part of the nelson arts community. !!! are you talking about yourself?
    so it has only touches of Paris at this early stage of the world's rennaissance of art. Ok im going overboard here, but look for the touches of Paris, relate to them, focus on them, strengthen them, support them, share them, bring others whose company you enjoy to enjoy these rare(? are they really?) events. Be part of making them.
    I have seen work in Nelson that stays in my mind to this day. And as we real artists know, its art when i say it is. the more who say that, and who free themselves from the deadweight of negativity, the more strength the art community will have.
    Are you trying to alienate the art community.? it is wide , its tent is broad, you may not love every booth but dont go shitting inside the tent. ok

    your writing is a charm and your critique - below - in artists colors of the everyday reality - the real politik you might say - is brilliant and funny.and world wide. its the way things are.
    artists are not politicians. we are the energy, the life the green shoot. you are one of us.
    as is anyone who cares to free their mind from mind forged manacles, who seizes the day to express themselves.
    Keep it up, ive signed up. i like your style.
    best wishes from one thing at a time granny.

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  2. ps nelson is not entirely ugly. too bad about the ring road, sorry aobtu the sheds. the economic downturn may save that wonderful waterfront till someone able to communicate the vision to enough citizens gets elected - first the artists need to show the vision - then the politicians make it happen - when you're lucky enough to get a visionary really rare. these economic downturn times are times when artists get a chance to create and manifest the vision - interesting events, turning warehouses to culture spaces, all kinds of culture needs to find a place - the people with money come where the scene is created by artists living on tuppence. you'll see the pattern in many a rundown area, and there will be some with this economy. the artists move in, with the drunks and the homeless, then the gays arrive - the lesbians do the building and the gays paint and spend money which they have seeing they're not bringing up children, then the develpoers come and impose their vision and it all goes to well developed hell and the artists are driven out by higher rents... maybe we can change the pattern if we can learn to work together the whole community buying into a vision which includes them. you're gonna have to have some art in all different tastes to make the community an arts community. nelson does a grand job actually. cheers,. granny

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